OK, so my first post on marriage and ADHD is on coffee stains. I do not have ADHD, but my DH most likely does. The coffee stains he leaves on the counter are the tip of a very large iceberg. He drives me crazy with his disorganization, messiness, and laziness around the house. And he can't even SEE the stains on the counter.
Look, if you're married to someone with ADHD, there are a few very important survival tips I want to pass on to you.
1) Don't expect your spouse to SEE that everything is awry. A good way to do this without nagging is to have some sort of "to-do" list. They'll probably still ignore it, unintentionally, but if they're a good spouse, they'll try not to.
2) Don't refuse to talk about what is bothering you. Most of the time, your spouse probably didn't notice it because they were very distracted by other things.
3) Sit down and review the day's events in the morning. Don't expect your spouse to remember what there is to do, especially if it is something off routine. You might even set an example by setting an alarm so you don't forget to do it.
4) Remember the person you married. You were probably attracted to that person who was so spontaneous and the life of the party and a bit careless with their money when it came to you. You wouldn't have that person in your life if you didn't also have the other stuff too. Its a package deal :)
5) The coffee stains should not be a marriage breaker. Read some books and learn what it is like to have adult ADHD, and you'll understand that the coffee stains are not a reason to believe your spouse doesn't care about you.
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