Anger and ADHD

Many people with ADHD have trouble with anger management.  This can be due to a number of reasons, but one of the big ones is impulsivity.  ADHD makes it a lot easier to go from slightly annoyed to completely losing it, very fast.   Anxiety can also play a big role, as the little voice inside you worries that what some has done or said will lead to something bigger than it probably will if you could just slow your brain down enough to think about it for second.  Also, after years of people being down on you, its easy to assume that they are against, rather than for you in any given situation.

But, just because its easy to get angry doesn't mean that it is good.  Anger scares your family, alienates your friends, and pushes away coworkers and clients.   It may get you what you want, but it gets you what you don't want too.  It shortens your life, cuts off opportunities, and leaves a string of broken relationships.  People may fear you, but they probably don't respect you or really want to help you with the issue that is at hand.

So, what to do about anger?
1)  Don't let ADHD be an excuse.  ADHD may explain why its easier for you to get angry, but it doesn't excuse what you choose to do or say once you are angry.  If you hurt someone, apologize and make amends as soon as possible.
2)  Learn to take a deep breath and a time out.  One thing about anger that makes it so destructive is that it can cause us to temporarily lose our reason.  This is why when a kid with ADHD starts to lose it, sometimes the best thing a parent can do is to shut up and put them in time out.  They aren't listening and they need to learn to take time to calm down first, then discuss what's bothering them later.
Adults also need to learn how to make space for a time out when they are angry.  Sometimes it is as simple as learning to say, "I'm starting to feel angry and I need a little space/silence/time to cool down so I can think clearly.  Let's revisit this in 5 minutes."  If you have trouble cooling down, you might want to try learning some relaxation exercises.
3)  Learn to view anger as a sign that something is wrong and learn to work to fix it constructively.  Interestingly, angry words and acts usually don't fix the underlying problem that is making you angry.  For example, hitting your boss usually doesn't make things go better at work.  Yelling at the teacher doesn't usually get you an "A".  So, go back to step 2. if necessary, then come back and do some problem solving when you are calm.
4)  Deal with the underlying issues that are leading to anger.  There probably are other factors other than just ADHD.  You may want to consider counseling, especially if you are dealing with overcoming an abusive past.

One overlooked source of help with anger is the spiritual.   Many people know that anger can be considered sinful (especially if they see how it damages their relationships), but not many people realize that the Bible talks a lot about how God wants to help us overcome the damaging parts of anger.  I came across this particularly helpful sermon on anger and actually the whole series is relevant and helpful (follow the link, then look for "Anger Doesn't Work").

If you have any other tips to share about anger and ADHD, leave a comment!

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