ADHD, guilt and blame

A common theme among parents of children with ADHD is the theme of guilt and blame.  ADHD probably has its roots in genetics, or possibly environmental exposures, and so many parents feel that their child's diagnosis is their fault, and that somehow they are bad parents.  This is not helped by the research that associates symptoms of ADHD with child abuse and neglect.

The problem is that for the most part, neither parents nor children are served well by the game of guilt and blame.  Here are some reasons why:

• Guilt and blame pin the problem on the past, but they do not tell us what to do with the future.   
• We cannot change the past.  We can only move on and help forge a better future with what we have in the present.
• Most parents never tried to cause their child's ADHD, even if their genes were the ones that carried those traits to their children.  Not even if they somehow took a medication or somehow exposed their child to a toxin inadvertently during pregnancy that might have caused the ADHD to be expressed.  Guilt and blame really are for people who do things on purpose, not by accident.

Because ADHD is such a common, growing, and expensive problem, researchers are very interested in finding out what the root cause of the problem is, so that it can be prevented and better treated.  There will be many more research studies pinning the cause of ADHD on this or that.  But for those of us who already have kids with ADHD, it is already too late for prevention (unless it be with future children).    Let's not waste time on self blame or on guilt.  And let's not waste time on blaming researchers, either.  They are not trying to tell us we are bad parents.  Just do the best with what you have.  That's all anyone can ask.

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