Dating and ADHD

A new study published in the Journal of College Health sheds light on why romantic relationships can be difficult when it involves a person with ADHD.  The study involved 189 college students with and without ADHD.  The students reported both ADHD symptoms and relationship quality on an online survey.  The study found that both emotional regulation and hostile relationship conflict were the means by which ADHD was associated with poor relationship quality in this age group.

Does this mean that people with ADHD should not date, or that they are not good to date?

Well, yes and no.  You don't want to stereotype based on a diagnosis.  However, people with ADHD should probably be aware of these issues and take active steps to cultivate good relationship skills.

 Questions to ask yourself  include:

1)  Do I have a hot temper?  Do I get depressed easily?  Do I tend to pout and mope when I face disappointment or don't get my way, or can I rebound graciously and find the silver lining in the clouds?

2)  Do I use force or intimidation (yelling or other threats) to get my way when I'm with family or friends?  Are family members afraid of me because I am forceful?  Or am I always able to broker and accept a compromise or negotiate a solution?  Have I actively cultivated gentleness and patience?

3)  How responsible am I?  Do I spend more than I have?  Do I forget to pay bills?  Do I follow through on my promises?  Have I been able to hold down a job or do I get fired or laid off because of my symptoms?  Do I remember to take my medicines (and birth control, if applicable)?

4)  Am I actively pursuing treatment for my ADHD symptoms?  While your symptoms may not bother you a lot, they probably will bother a spouse, who has not had a lifetime to get used to them and who may not understand how an ADHD mind works.

A person who is thinking about dating or marrying a person with ADHD should also  ask themselves:

1)  How willing am I to deal with forgetfulness mostly about unpleasant tasks?  Will I be willing  to do all the unpleasant tasks around the house that get forgotten?

2)    How able am I to stand up to yelling and frustration from my partner?  Do I get intimidated easily or can I call them on it every time?

3)  How mature is my potential partner?  Can they handle responsibility or will I have to do it for them?
4)  How well do I understand how the ADHD mind works?  Do I get frustrated with my partner's symptoms or do I have a degree of empathy?

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