Book Review: The ADHD Effect on Marriage, by Melissa Orlov

Overall rating:  4 and a half stars

If you are thinking about marriage, or are already married and one or more spouses has ADHD, this book is worth reading.  What makes this book unique is its emphasis on both perspectives--the ADHD partner and the non-ADHD partner.

What I liked about this book:

• It was engaging, with a lot of stories.
• It gave concrete strategies, such as stop nagging, don't be a parent (to the ADHD partner), know that you (the ADHD partner) may be underestimating the effect of ADHD on your marriage.  The treatment section contains some detailed suggestions while leaving room for flexibility.   The treatment section avoids strongly advocating any one type of treatment.   
• It showed how negative responses on the part of the non-ADHD spouse can contribute to marital problems, and how those negative responses could be changed to produce better effects.
• This book also has an accompanying course you and your spouse can take.  This may be easier for spouses who are not excited about reading but are interested in getting help.

What I disliked about this book:

• You do have to read it from beginning to end to get the most out of it.  Many ADHD readers don't read that way.
• Some of the strategies are a little vague:  try differently, don't lose yourself.  I had hoped for more details on how exactly to accomplish these things.  I also felt it was unfair to recommend that a person find someone else to do their job for them as not every household has the money to hire help.
• There are a lot of steps presented in this book.  While it may be complete, it probably won't hold the attention of an ADHD reader for very long.  However, it does have a central recommendation for an ADHD spouse, which is to get treatment (not necessarily meds, but just make a commitment to dealing with your symptoms so your family doesn't always have to shoulder the burden).

Bottom line:  This book is a good beginning for people who are struggling with the effects of ADHD on their marriage.  This book is worth coming back to periodically, as well.  However, it probably will do its best work in a couple that is willing to get help from multiple perspectives, such as organizational help, medication, counseling/coaching, and/or household help.