Families often will respond very differently to a diagnosis of ADHD than to a diagnosis of say, diabetes. While you may be used to discussing all of your health issues with your family, before you discuss your diagnosis of ADHD, you should consider the following:
1) Most people don't understand ADHD unless they have treated someone with it or lived with it. There are a lot of myths about ADHD floating around. People will continue to doubt the existence of ADHD so long as there is no objective diagnostic test for it. Even in the ADHD community, some people refuse to call it a disorder. If you are getting diagnosed with ADHD, you know it is real and it interferes with life in a substantial way, but you can't expect others to feel the same, since they do not live in your body.
2) Family members may feel guilty about ADHD since it does have a genetic component.
3) Family members may not understand that certain behaviors and difficulties are abnormal, since they may also have ADHD.
4) People in general often have strong opinions about medication for ADHD.
Should you discuss medication with your family?
Well, probably not.
1) Think about how difficult making the decision to give medication was for you. You had to weigh all of the pros and all of the cons, and wade through the information, misinformation, and myths about ADHD medication. Medication for ADHD has significant risks, as well as benefits. Family members probably will be scared if they know anything about the medications. And remember, they probably don't really understand how ADHD affects your family, so how can they understand the benefits? The only exception is minor children should discuss medication with their parents.
2) Medication is typically with a stimulant and stimulants can be sold on the street as drugs. Clonidine also has street value. Unless you want addicts or dealers breaking into your home, you should not discuss medication in public, and you should only discuss it with people who need to know to do their job (school nurse, teacher, therapist, childcare provider if administering med). Children also need to be cautioned not to discuss their medication in public as it can make them targets of drug dealers or even of peers looking for drugs.
How to deal with objections
Say you've already spilled the beans. Or say that your spouse doesn't agree with the diagnosis or the treatment plan. One thing is certain, arguing will not help. If the person who objects isn't involved in treating the child (isn't giving medicine, helping with schoolwork, or supervising the child on a frequent basis) then its really none of their business. If you asked their opinion, you're going to have to deal with it. Don't argue. Don't expect understanding. Politely thank them for sharing and change the topic of conversation.
If the person is intimately involved with the treatment plan, do not argue. If the issue is diagnosis, ask what makes them doubt that there is a problem. Have your own evidence lined up, such as grades, school disciplinary records, and what the child says about him or herself. If the child is getting diagnosed with ADHD, there must be evidence that the symptoms are negatively affecting their life.
A common objection goes somewhere along the lines of "boys will be boys". Here you must show that your child's behavior goes beyond that of their peers--their grades are lower, they are in the principal's office more often, they have no friends, etc. A good way to help a spouse understand that a child's behavior is beyond normal is to bring them to a doctor's appointment where the diagnosis is being discussed.
If your spouse says, "I was the same way as a kid, and I grew up fine." ask them if they were happy with themselves as a kid or if it was a struggle. Many adults with ADHD will say they are fine now, but will recall a childhood of being literally beaten into submission.
If the issue is medication, suggest a trial of nonmedical treatment and reevaluation in 6 months, or a trial of medication with a reevaluation in 3 to 6 months. Be sure to reassure them that the medication can be stopped any time if there are problems they can't live with.
So, in summary, it is probably best to not discuss your child's diagnosis as a matter of family gossip. If you do, then be prepared for some strong negative opinions. If your child's other parent has objections, listen carefully, and gather evidence for your case. Attending a doctor's visit or suggesting a trial of treatment often can help break down barriers.
No comments:
Post a Comment